Better Understanding Suicidal Feelings
This is an excerpt from one of my Sabbatical Blueprint newsletters, where we dive deep into the intersections of mental health, burnout, work culture, and the often-unspoken painful emotions that simmer beneath the surface. *****
Each week, I explore these topics with honesty and care, offering insights and tools to help you navigate the complexities of modern life. In this edition, we tackle a heavy but vital subject: the connection between burnout, suicidality, and the pressures of today’s work culture.
By understanding the spectrum of suicidal thoughts and their ties to exhaustion and cynicism, we can empower ourselves and our loved ones to recognize warning signs and seek support before challenges escalate. If this article is helpful, please share it with someone who may benefit or sign up for our weekly emails.
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Hey friends,
Today's newsletter covers a heavy subject, and I wouldn’t blame you for skipping this week. **If you are feeling tapped out, no worries, go for a walk or visit with friends instead.**
However, for us to truly understand burnout (and why rest and sabbaticals are important), we need to study the extremes.
My goal today is to create greater empowerment and peace once we understand the nature of suicide. By the end of this email, you will have additional tools to assess yourself and your loved ones for burnout that is trending toward suicidality.
Let's do it...
The Fog
Taking one’s own life is a complex and often misunderstood concept for most people. We lack a clear frame of reference, so the topic is mysterious and scary, and thus frequently relegated to the sidelines of conversation.
In the U.S., middle-aged men are the most common victims of suicide. This demographic also happens to be the most employed. As we’ve discussed, or perhaps you’ve picked up from my writing, I have some criticisms of modern life. And it doesn’t take much cajoling to see the connection between burnout, suicidality, and contemporary work culture. If my job is isolating and unfulfilling, and I do it for decades without a pivot, what sort of existence am I leading? Would I want this life for someone I love?
Suicidality on a Spectrum
Many believe that suicidal thoughts are an all-or-nothing phenomenon- either you have intense negative feelings or you don’t. There's also a common misconception that suicidality appears suddenly. In reality, that’s not how it typically presents. Based on my clinical observations, it's more effective to understand the risk as a spectrum or barometer. For most individuals, the pain is gradual rather than an abrupt transition. Two key elements in assessing risk are the intensity and frequency of *extreme* negative thoughts. If I have occasional thoughts of self-harm, I need to take those seriously. Otherwise, they can worsen.
Passive suicidality is where thoughts of death manifest, but there is no action. This is the low end of the spectrum. The dial begins to rise with slightly more intense symptoms, such as not wanting to wake up in the morning or imagining how much easier life would be if you were not around, and how much easier it might be for loved ones if you were gone. This happens often for clients coming to therapy.
They over-identify with their career and under-identify with relationships. They have neglected their personal needs, and their thoughts are becoming self-destructive. Mild forms of physical self-harm are possible around this stage as shame-of-self ticks upward.
Awareness
Suppose this progresses to a point where we have a means of causing severe bodily injury. This raises the dial. If there’s also a timeframe to attempt, this addition amounts to creating a plan. In that case, intervention is certainly needed. This is considered an active stage of suicidality. But, as we discussed, it usually doesn't appear out of thin air; there are signs and a buildup. It isn't certain that they will attempt tomorrow or even the next day, but once they have the means and a time, this is dangerous territory.
Not everyone who feels burned out is on the verge of being suicidal.However, there are significant similarities. If we review the ICD-11 criteria for Burnout, which include 1) negativism, cynicism, 2) exhaustion, and 3) poor social/occupational performance, we can see how closely these symptoms relate to those experiencing suicidality. Ending one’s life is the ultimate expression of job burnout and personal struggle.
Cynicism and Negativism
Despite what we hear in the media or greater social discourse, this experience comes from a fairly rational thought process when you’re in severe pain. Imagine playing a high-impact sport like American football and being tackled by a massive linebacker hundreds of times during every practice. It's hot outside and uncomfortable; you’re not a big fan. It would be normal for you to think, “Hey, I don't wanna play this anymore.”
This is the exact process someone with suicidality experiences; they are in pain, thinking, “I don't like this game. I wanna quit. When will this end?” For those suffering from suicidality, their delusion is that their current life is the only game available. This is untrue, of course. Life consists of nearly infinite games. A future exists where those who feel alone or desperate can play a game they enjoy and truly excel at.
Dealing with burnout and suicidality is no walk in the park. But they are preventable and treatable if we remain vigilant before they escalate into a crisis. If you or someone you care about is experiencing these symptoms, it may be wise to consult a mental health provider. As a therapist myself, I have many wonderful colleagues who would be happy to support you or a loved one during this time. Be easy on yourself and enjoy the weekend!
To summarize the points we learned today:
Awareness and Prevention are #1
Burnout and Suicidality Are Interconnected
Suicidality as a Spectrum
A Game Exists That We Can All Excel At
Empowerment Through Understanding
That’s it...
*If you or someone you know is severely struggling, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional or calling a hotline like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for immediate, confidential support.*